I’ve been thinking a lot lately. A rush of thoughts swarming my mind, trying to figure out that missing piece.
It’s not that I’m unhappy. I’m quite content actually. But there’s a feeling that I really wanted to figure out. I didn’t want to ignore it; I’m sure it’s there for a reason. Now I’m striving to fit the puzzle together. To feel a little more complete. Because a more complete me has more potential in this world. This applies to all of us – we can do more when we understand ourselves better. So I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about where or what that missing puzzle piece is.
The nice thing about giving your mind time to think it over is that you discover a lot more about yourself. You realise things that you didn’t know before. Sometimes you even re-discover things. Things that, in the pressure and rush of everyday life, were forgotten. It’s nice to have those re-discoveries.
So here is my summarisation of my discoveries I’ve had through the last few weeks:
Why are you lost? I think I’ve lost that sense of direction. I’m aimless. I don’t know where to go.
Where are your aims? I think maybe after achieving the last one, I hadn’t thought of where to go next.
Where did your last aims come from? I guess they were automatic. I thought it was the standard route of aims that everyone goes through in life. So I suppose I didn’t really have any other aims purely for myself.
So go ahead, make your own aim, what do you really want? Hmm… I don’t know!
Then that’s the next step, discover what you want! But how am I going to do that?!
Only one way, really. Give things a try! What if I’m not good at it? What if I end up not liking them? I don’t know what to try!
You won’t find out unless you try. Besides, don’t doubt yourself, don’t you already have an idea of you really want to aim for? No, that’s why I’m here talking to yo-… me.
Well then, let’s think. What did you want to be when you were a kid? A games developer, then a musician, then a theatre technician.
And why did you want to do that? I thought it would be fun.
And what do they have in common? They all involve making fun things?
Think harder. Why did all three of those things appeal to you? What made them fun? I thought it would just be a fun thing to do… And they were quite expressive. I could put a part of myself into it to make the whole product better. And I thought, not only would it be fun for me do but it would also be fun for other people who would get to enjoy the finished piece afterwards.
I think we’ve solved it! You want a form of expression that you can make into something that others can enjoy! Wow, you might be right. I have always wanted to do something like that…
Okay then! You have your aim, time to shoot for it! Okay!!
As you can see, my thought process comes in the form of me talking to myself!
An inner-conversation with yourself can be great, especially if you’re like me and aren’t really sure how to have this conversation with someone in real life!
I suppose I should also say that I didn’t discover all of this at once. This dialogue (or is that ‘monologue’?) above is actually the fast-forwarded version. It took several conversations and a lot of reading up on other people’s thoughts (the internet is a wonderful resource!). It spanned weeks and weeks. And it took lots of thinking time. It was sort of like going out soul-searching without having to leave the comfort of home.
I read once on the Internet, to know what you truly want to do, think back to when you were a child. What did you want to be? What ever it is, that should give you a clue. An example they gave was this: maybe you wanted to be an astronaut? It doesn’t have to mean you want to go out into space. Instead, it might mean you have an innate desire to go exploring or want to discover something new. When we were children, we knew instinctively what we wanted and without the distractions of the grown up world. That’s what inspired me to think further back and find out what’s missing.
I’m still thinking, as always. Maybe more than usual. I’m hoping that I’ve found the answer but if I haven’t, it’s at least another adventure for me to experience. 🙂
I would say, don’t be afraid to get lost in your thoughts every now and again. Don’t be afraid to talk to yourself (either out loud or in your mind!) and ask those questions. And don’t be afraid to think childishly. If you ever feel lost or unsure, this is a sure way to help you get those answers. The answers are inside of you!