“If it’s the current me, I can do this proudly…” – Misaki Ayuzawa, Kaichou wa Maid-sama!
Some years ago, I wrote a character. She was, in essence, me. Not completely identical but she was heavily based on how I saw myself. Now when I look at that character, I feel that I relate to her and she is most definitely still part of me. But she no longer resembles the current me.
The person I was three years ago… there are so many things she wouldn’t have been brave enough to do.
In truth, the person I was three months ago wouldn’t have been able to do many of those things either.
Last year, I nudged myself out of my boundaries. This year? Life seems to be pushing me.
Life seems to be throwing me a few lessons by sending some… I guess you could say ‘challenges’ my way. I don’t know what else to call them. All I know is sometimes I wonder if the universe is enjoying itself as it plays tricks on me.
I could blame life for playing around with me. But what’s the point in that? There’s nobody to hold responsible for such things happening… and I don’t want to pin blame on anyone either. The only person I should be holding accountable for anything is me. That’s all I can control after all.
I mean I try not to be too hard on myself – well I’m working on that. We’re all human, it’s okay if we slip up occasionally.
But I’m proud that I’ve come this far. I’m proud to be able to do the things I couldn’t do before. There are moments when I’m screaming in my head “Look here, life. This isn’t funny!” But I am partly glad for what I’ve gone through. There are some things you don’t realise until you have to go through them yourself. And if nothing else, this gives me the chance to properly help others who might go through similar things in future.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned… it’s that things are always okay in the end. Even if they take time or you have to go through a myriad of trials first… in the end, it’ll be okay.
What a growing year this is turning out to be… and it’s barely been two months yet.