Not Today!

If you can’t fly, run
Today we will survive
If you can’t run, walk
Today we will survive
If you can’t walk, crawl
Even if you have to crawl, gear up
Point, aim, shoot!

Today, I wanted to share this song!

I don’t know any Korean and when I first listened to this song, I had no idea what the lyrics were other than “No! Not today!” But it sounded really energetic and empowering.

After looking up the lyrics, turns out I wasn’t wrong 🙂 This song is full of encouragement to help us keep going, keep fighting and to not give up!

It’s been my new song to listen to every morning. It really puts me in a good mood to continue doing my best, no matter how many times I’ve fallen over.

Also I love the dance routine 🙂

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Find Things To Remind Yourself… of Yourself

I once read a quote: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

I don’t fully agree with it because we, ourselves, should be aware of our own person and can find ways of improving ourselves.. But I can see where they’re coming from. It’s not uncommon to be influenced by the people we spend time with.

Life throws a lot of curve balls at you and circumstances can make you question or forget about things about yourself. Sometimes we put on a mask in an attempt to fit in and slowly, without realising, we become that mask.

For me, I like to remind myself through characters. I guess it isn’t untrue to say that the characters you watch on TV or read in a book are characters that you “spend time with.”

And there are occasions where I think to myself: “what would my favourite character do in this situation?” It can be surprisingly helpful, especially if you have various characters who would act differently. You can then choose the one you think would suit the situation best.

For me, there are two main characters who guide me through everything:

  • Tohru Honda is my pinnacle for kindness, politeness and cheer.
  • Misaki Ayuzawa is my go-to when I need to be a little more feisty and confident, unafraid to stand up for what I believe.
  • And I look to both of them when I need self-encouragement, to never give up and put 110% into everything I do.

I should really start asking myself “what would they do?” questions more often. I sometimes catch myself thinking “is this really who I am?” when I start to forget myself in order to fit into an environment. True, it’s inevitable that we go through change – I just want to make sure the change will always be a positive one.

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At The End Of The Day, What Is Most Important To You?

There have been so many conflicting thoughts in my head. Just when I think I’ve sorted them all out, they come rushing at each other again.

In fairness, these thoughts always seem coaxed out by the same thing. I should avoid that.

Because at the end of the day, I’m not the most important thing in the world. I understand my worth but I get my joy from seeing happiness in others. Therefore, I am not the most important – because they are.

I never was any good at this “look after number one” stuff. Maybe I need to work on that.

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Dare To Feel Awkward… and Be More Loved For It

I think you have to be unafraid of awkward situations. Because after the potential awkwardness has subsided and you see everyone still likes you as you are, you start to understand that – even with your strange quirks and things that you may think are a bit odd – those are things that only make you more lovable. And you start to realise that maybe there was no need to feel awkward in the first place.

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If It’s The Current Me…

“If it’s the current me, I can do this proudly…” – Misaki Ayuzawa, Kaichou wa Maid-sama!

*

Some years ago, I wrote a character. She was, in essence, me. Not completely identical but she was heavily based on how I saw myself. Now when I look at that character, I feel that I relate to her and she is most definitely still part of me. But she no longer resembles the current me.

The person I was three years ago… there are so many things she wouldn’t have been brave enough to do.

In truth, the person I was three months ago wouldn’t have been able to do many of those things either.

Last year, I nudged myself out of my boundaries. This year? Life seems to be pushing me.

Life seems to be throwing me a few lessons by sending some… I guess you could say ‘challenges’ my way. I don’t know what else to call them. All I know is sometimes I wonder if the universe is enjoying itself as it plays tricks on me.

I could blame life for playing around with me. But what’s the point in that? There’s nobody to hold responsible for such things happening… and I don’t want to pin blame on anyone either. The only person I should be holding accountable for anything is me. That’s all I can control after all.

I mean I try not to be too hard on myself – well I’m working on that. We’re all human, it’s okay if we slip up occasionally.

But I’m proud that I’ve come this far. I’m proud to be able to do the things I couldn’t do before. There are moments when I’m screaming in my head “Look here, life. This isn’t funny!” But I am partly glad for what I’ve gone through. There are some things you don’t realise until you have to go through them yourself. And if nothing else, this gives me the chance to properly help others who might go through similar things in future.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned… it’s that things are always okay in the end. Even if they take time or you have to go through a myriad of trials first… in the end, it’ll be okay.

What a growing year this is turning out to be… and it’s barely been two months yet.

🙂

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If I’m Honest…

If I’m honest… I don’t always tell people the whole truth about how I’m feeling. I guess I find it easier to write it down, giving myself a way to express it – but also keep it to myself.

The main reason being… I already know how people might respond. And I guess by knowing, I feel I don’t need to go through it again in real life… since I’ve already gone through it in my head.

Especially if my feelings are somewhat irrational. I already know they’re irrational and I don’t need someone else telling me what I know.

Luckily for me, I’m quite good at remaining rational while having irrational thoughts. And I find it easier to continue being rational when someone isn’t telling me that I need to be rational. Or reminding me that I’m being irrational. Is that strange?

My favourite character from Glee was Emma Pillsbury. She suffered from irrational thoughts yet remained entirely logical for the sake of her students (since she was a school guidance counsellor).

It’s a blessing and a curse. A blessing to be able to advise yourself. A curse to feel like you can’t share what your problem is in the first place.

I don’t blame anyone. It’s purely from the way I’ve gone through life. I’m just so used to giving advice to myself, I don’t feel I need it from anyone else… well, except for the advice I get from fictional characters of my favourite TV programmes.

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Accept It

“I don’t like how things are.”

“But that’s how they are.”

“I didn’t want things to turn out this way.”

“But they did turn out this way.”

Over the course of last year, I realised I was tired of wanting to change the unchangeable. I’m not a huge complainer (well.. my brothers might beg to differ!) but the things I did have to complain about could be put into one of two categories. Things that I could change and things that I couldn’t.

The former, though it took me a while to admit it, I probably could’ve just stopped complaining about. Because the energy I was using to complain would have been better spent trying to change the situation.

It was the latter category that I struggled with the most. I couldn’t change things, so now what? I still wanted to change it. And I spent so much energy trying to find ways to make that change. Even though I knew it was something out of my control.

Around the end of last year, I think I just gave up.

Not in a bad way. People usually think “giving up” is negative, like you’ve lost because you stopped trying. But in this case, giving up was a good thing. Why exhaust yourself over something you can’t change?

Better to focus your energy on processing the matter and just accept it. It may not be easy but it will become easier eventually.

Also don’t ever minimise your feelings. Nor allow anyone else to make you do so. Accept the feelings, go through the motions you need.

The above quotes were from an episode of Gilmore Girls, an argument between Lorelai and Chris. Lorelai shouts at Chris that he needs to accept how things are, no matter how much he doesn’t want it to be this way – because ultimately, they can’t be changed. They are where they are. Accept it.

I must have watched the episode a dozen times before but watching it again this morning, the words really resonated with me. Accept it.

There were three other words that also resonated well with me too. At the end of their argument when Chris is just about to leave, Lorelai chases him down to tell him:

“Give it time.”

Because sometimes that’s all we need. Time.

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