“I don’t like how things are.”
“But that’s how they are.”
“I didn’t want things to turn out this way.”
“But they did turn out this way.”
Over the course of last year, I realised I was tired of wanting to change the unchangeable. I’m not a huge complainer (well.. my brothers might beg to differ!) but the things I did have to complain about could be put into one of two categories. Things that I could change and things that I couldn’t.
The former, though it took me a while to admit it, I probably could’ve just stopped complaining about. Because the energy I was using to complain would have been better spent trying to change the situation.
It was the latter category that I struggled with the most. I couldn’t change things, so now what? I still wanted to change it. And I spent so much energy trying to find ways to make that change. Even though I knew it was something out of my control.
Around the end of last year, I think I just gave up.
Not in a bad way. People usually think “giving up” is negative, like you’ve lost because you stopped trying. But in this case, giving up was a good thing. Why exhaust yourself over something you can’t change?
Better to focus your energy on processing the matter and just accept it. It may not be easy but it will become easier eventually.
Also don’t ever minimise your feelings. Nor allow anyone else to make you do so. Accept the feelings, go through the motions you need.
The above quotes were from an episode of Gilmore Girls, an argument between Lorelai and Chris. Lorelai shouts at Chris that he needs to accept how things are, no matter how much he doesn’t want it to be this way – because ultimately, they can’t be changed. They are where they are. Accept it.
I must have watched the episode a dozen times before but watching it again this morning, the words really resonated with me. Accept it.
There were three other words that also resonated well with me too. At the end of their argument when Chris is just about to leave, Lorelai chases him down to tell him:
“Give it time.”
Because sometimes that’s all we need. Time.