The Feeling That Keeps You Up At Night Smiling

Before this year, I don’t think I ever realised how much love I could feel for something. That passion for an idea. That excitement. It keeps you up late at night working on it because you think it’s such an amazing idea and you need it to come alive.

It makes me happy like nothing else can.

But on the other side of the coin, it can make you sad like nothing else can. When you work on it but hit a creative block. The words don’t read right, the drawing doesn’t look right, the imaginative flow has stopped suddenly. It can be frustrating.

But it doesn’t stop me. Knowing that it might brighten someone’s day… I’ll spend hours on a little sketch if it’ll make someone happy.

This year, I’m happy to have learned that this kind of feeling exists.

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Keeping Memories

“But you know there is something I believe… I want to try live my life, carrying all of my memories with me. And even if those memories are painful. Even if they do nothing but hurt me. I want to keep them, even those memories I sometimes wish I could forget. As long as I carry them with me, as long as I can keep holding on, then someday… Someday I will be strong enough that those memories don’t hurt me anymore. I will be glad that I have them, that’s what I believe with all my heart. That’s why all my memories are precious to me. I don’t think it would be okay to forget a single one.”

– Momiji Sohma, Fruits Basket

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I bring this up every so often on this blog but it’s seriously one of my favourite Fruits Basket episodes. The idea that every memory is important and makes us stronger, no matter how painful they might be at the moment, and the importance of holding on through that pain. They help us grow and eventually, we’ll overcome them.

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Don’t Be Afraid Of Being Goofy

You shouldn’t be afraid to be goofy, silly, a little crazy.

The same way you shouldn’t be afraid to make mistakes.

It’s natural to want to avoid embarrassment and failure when possible but we forget that those things are inevitable in life. Whoever went through life without tripping up at least once? Instead of being afraid of it happening, we should embrace it. If it happens, we should take our time to process and evaluate – whether that be laughing at yourself, crying, or hiding under a blanket for a few days… 🙂 – but ultimately, we move on with time.

The more we fall, the more we learn how to handle it. Of course every situation is different, some falls will be falls and others will be tumbles, but it makes us resilient. It helps us realise we can survive that kind of situation.

So don’t let fear hold you back. Jump in, dive in, or even tiptoe into the Ocean Of Challenges and don’t worry about getting soaked 🙂

 

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Social Hangover Leads To Some Very Deep Thoughts

For those who haven’t heard of the term Social Hangover, it is basically a ‘hangover’-like feeling caused by over-socialising. Sometimes it’s called an Introvert Hangover because it commonly affects us introverts, as it takes more of our energy when it comes to socialising/being in a highly social environment than it would for an extrovert.

I only came across this term recently. This article on Introvert Dear explains it quite well.

The previous night I attended a big all-day-and-night social event. It involved a lot of people I didn’t know. I fully expected to be ‘hungover’ from too much social stimulation – for me, that means extreme tiredness for most of the next day whilst I recharge my batteries. Then usually back to normal the day after.

The time spent during a social hangover is time I spend analysing the event which caused it. What did I do, what could I have done differently, was I being social enough, etc etc etc… and for last night, I think my main one was this:

What’s behind my aversion to alcohol? I was offered sips of two different drinks that night. Despite encouragement from others, I’ve never been an alcohol drinker simply because I wasn’t interested. Any drinks I have tried, I didn’t really like the taste of. Why drink something that didn’t taste nice? But that night, the two little sips I did try… actually tasted alright. But it was because I couldn’t really taste the alcohol (granted, I took the tiniest sips in the world). So what’s the point in adding the alcohol into the drink if I couldn’t taste it? I’m guessing it’s the alcohol part which I dislike the taste of. Is it possible for this drink to be made without alcohol but still taste the same? If so, maybe I could drink that. But then it isn’t alcohol… so what’s the point of the alcohol in the first place?

Maybe it’s like when you cook with wine. It enhances the taste of the food without putting any alcohol taste in there. So maybe people enjoy alcoholic beverages in the same way.

I wonder if it’s because I associate alcohol with people getting absurdly drunk. Being out with drunk people before, I can see the effects it has on the drinker – it loosens them up, makes them feel less socially-inhibited. So many people do it and they have a good time from it which is fair enough.

After some thinking, I came to the realisation. I think my aversion to alcohol stems from my aversion of doing things because society says so. “This is what people do, everyone does it.”

But I have experiences from growing up where I’ve tried following the trend to fit in with the ‘popular.’ And popular rejected me anyway. No matter how hard I followed the popular trends, I still didn’t fit in. So over time, I think I developed an aversion to anything ‘popular’ or ‘trendy’. And that includes drinking alcohol.

Having said all that, I probably still won’t get into drinking because… still not that interested. But I suppose I wouldn’t mind trying some more sips just to see what the taste is like. But only like a sample-size. Not sure I’d manage a full glass, in the same way I prefer tiny-portion desserts over a massive slice of cake because I don’t have much of a sweet tooth 🙂

I’ve never had a real hangover (caused by drinking) but I would imagine it involve tiredness, sluggishness, and a general feeling of “why did I drink so much last night?” My social hangovers are similar (“why did I socialise so much last night?”). In truth, the event last night was really fun and I enjoyed it – it just takes a lot out of me. And apparently causes a social hangover leading to some very deep life thoughts. 🙂

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A Random Thought of Love

There came a day where I thought to myself:

If an almighty entity appeared before me, telling me they could guarantee happiness to the people I love and grant them everything they could ever want in life… but the cost would be my own happiness, that I may never get the things I want… would I agree?

My answer? Yes. Yes I would.

There wasn’t even a shred of doubt.

Admittedly, this is probably quite an odd thing for me to think at… I think I was about 13 or 14… but there it is. 🙂

And to this day, I would still choose the same answer.

I feel lucky to have felt such love for people. And I don’t mean romantic love. I just mean pure, emotional love – that sense of care you feel for family or friends.

Don’t worry. I know to still look after myself. But if I love you, I’m not afraid to sacrifice a little of my own happiness for you to get yours. I can fight. I can take pain. If it means you won’t have to. Because I wouldn’t want you to.

Perhaps it’s a downfall. But I don’t like to believe it is. “Looking after number one” was never a phrase that I could follow.

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Open-Minded

I sometimes find myself talking less about certain things because it’s disheartening when the other party isn’t interested. And I don’t really want to bore them.

On the other hand, it’s a beautiful feeling when you find someone who truly is interested in what you have to say. Even when they don’t have much knowledge on what you’re telling them, but they still listen with interest. I think that’s heartwarming.

I like to be open-minded and always willing to know about new things. This reminds me of why.

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Socialising vs Socialising?

Certain kinds of socialising take a lot out of me. Big crowds and a lot of noise overwhelm me. But somehow it never stops me from choosing to experience it every once in a while.

Part of it is because I do enjoy the company of the people I’m with. And for them, I’m happy to expend some of my ‘social reserves.’ The other part, I guess, is to remind me that – yeah, I was right all along. This isn’t ‘my’ kind of socialising. I couldn’t do this every day.

Though I’m not sure why I really need reminding. I’ve always known it!

Coffee shops and cosy chats. That’s ‘my’ kind of socialising. Less hustle and bustle, more deep conversation. This kind of socialising refills my energy instead of depletes it.

Strange how there are different types of socialising. Strange how some people seem to manage doing all of them and others – like me – are only capable of some!

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